Some parts of the song you wrote about me lingered in my head.
I always convince myself we’re better off not being in each others lives because it’s what’s best for you. I was so selfish for so long to keep you here when I could never be yours; the things I did to you I wouldn’t wish on anyone, I can’t even say I didn’t know what I was doing but I couldn’t stop. I was mesmerized by the idea of being loved like every girl wants to be loved, even though I didn’t feel the same. I always say you wanted more than I could give, but I took more than you could give and now it’s changed you into someone I barely recognize. So I tell myself not to talk to you, that even if I did I wouldn’t be talking to MY person anymore. And then I dream about you or someone talks about you or a song comes on that reminds me of you and I wonder how two kindred souls like you and I could possibly stay away from each other. I read the songs you wrote me and wonder if I could have fallen in love if I had really tried, and I’m guilt ridden. And then I distract myself with something else and remind myself how I looked into your eyes and didn’t see you anymore, how rare a glimpse of our bond had been in the months leading up to when I left you behind. But I’ll always think of you, and I’ll always smile.. and maybe cry. Because although not in the way you wanted, I loved you more than I could say.
If you can’t handle being friend zoned then you didn’t deserve to have me in the first place.
There’s nothing that plagues me more than a guy who cannot just stay friends. If I didn’t originally get to know you romantically, 90% of the time it only makes sense to keep it friendly and not force ourselves to go through any transitions that could prove awkward and unsuccessful. Generally I prize my friendships above my love interests, at least until it gets really serious, which takes years for me. If I think of you as a best friend, I would never do anything to jeopardize that; a bumpy attempt at a relationship with an extremely difficult and closed off person (me) which could result in my being hated by someone I care deeply for doesn’t seem like a worthy cause to lose a friendship over. Best friends to me are cemented into my life; my daily routine, my tastes, little things that remind me of the people I consider closest to me. These affections do not mean I am in love with you, they mean I appreciate you and have gotten to know your soul and believe it is compatible with mine. The reason these pairings would never work is because I look for something completely different in a partner than I do in a friend: my friends are people who I believe understand me and are the same as me in one way or another. My partner needs to be somebody who I don’t fully understand, who amazes me with how differently he thinks and can show me a different perspective; someone who balances me out (and lord knows I need balancing). Nothing has hurt me more than having to lose someone because they wanted more from me than I could give to them. I think losing a best friend is worse than losing a boyfriend…
I don’t get how siblings can also be best friends and tell each other everything. I mean my sister and I cringe when we hug each other
Literally had to escape back to tumblr because everything I post everywhere else is being watched.